Horror From Beyond the Fourth Wall
by Rytex
Summary: Something is wrong with the inhabitants of Hyrule, and so three mysterious NPCs who didn't even appear in OoT set out to explore the most horrific place imaginable to save them: Fandom-Hyrule. Little do they know, this all looks very familiar...


**Hello everyone. It is I, Rytex, who is presenting you with my newest attempt at humor (and likely a little bit of flame-bait from the people who take themselves way to seriously).**

**I, as any person who wants to create a new Kingdom Hearts OC should, have read _Those Lacking Spines _by a member of Organization VI (search them on here), and the idea of setting it in Hyrule, when Hyrule has undoubtedly an equal need for this kind of story was too good to pass up.  
**

**Simply put, TLS makes fun of every bad thing people do in bad fanfiction, presenting many ways that it comes about, and uses three of the lesser-known and lesser-used Nobodies from that universe to serve as protagonists. Now, in this case, the protagonists will be going through some of the same stuff, but there will be some places they visit that Xaldin, Lexaeus, and Vexen never got to go to (such as the Lemon Grove... nudge nudge), and I will be taking the mickey out of everything done wrong (and giving a few shout-outs to some of the more well-known and well-deserved bad fanfiction written for TLoZ).  
**

**That said, let us begin exploring the Horror from Beyond the Fourth Wall.**

* * *

The Kingdom of Hyrule was one of the most prosperous kingdoms ever. I say was because it is no longer. I mean, haven't any of you readers ever played Wind Waker? I mean, come on, Hyrule clearly drowned under-

"GET ON WITH IT!" shouted the multitude of characters who will be mentioned, in a total ripoff of a Monty Python movie involving some form of Holy Braille.

Right, well, like I said, Hyrule was one of the most prosperous kingdoms ever. Not only was it one of the most prosperous, it was one of the most prone to significant events.

Like most video game worlds that could potentially be found in the universe of Kingdom Hearts by all logic (except that neither Square Enix nor Disney own the rights to them), Hyrule had a backstory. However, said backstory can be learned by playing Ocarina of Time, and the evidently male author accepts no excuses as to why any gamer has not played that masterpiece. It's like saying you're a sports fan and you don't watch or play Soccer, which is famous the world over, except in the United States. Or a reader and saying you never read Harry Potter, not to mention the series that came before it, like The Lord of the Rings.

Now, this backstory involves certain stereotypes, such as religious relics, Eastern philosophy, and the power to create Deus ex Machina in-universe and have a way to cop out of criticism. One of the elements in this backstory is the existence of a legendary blade called the Master Sword. Now, the Master Sword isn't just any sword with a fancy title. This sword is the sword that destroys evil. Also, the Master Sword can only be wielded by a certain person. This certain person's name is Zelda.

Now I think Zelda is a pretty cool guy. eh fights evil overlords and doesn't afraid of anything.

Oh, wait, I made a mistake. That guy's name is actually Link. Dear, a veiled reference to a semi-popular Internet meme and a diehard Zelda fan can't even get the protagonist's name right. Which was entirely intentional.

Anywho, Link was a swell guy. By most accounts, he was a rather strong, courageous, helpful guy, who would more often than not run off and do something heroic when the occasion demanded. By most, I mean everybody but the Big Bad. As such, he earned himself more than a few enemies in the process. A certain redheaded person comes to mind, as more than once has Link encountered this person. Yes, obviously I speak of Malon. Now Malon isn't evil on her own. No, she's only evil whenever the frustrated fans of the ZeLink pairing decide that Link deserves Zelda's affections in the Ocarina of Time timeline instead of hers. And more often than not, she's a brusque farm girl who has no manners and is in no way a feminine person.

Now, as you can see, the author is well-educated in the MaLink vs. ZeLink arguments. While MaLink has concrete support from the one game where it is possible, the ZeLinkers usually bitch and moan about it and use the only support that they have.

"But Link and Zelda are made for each other!"

And while the author would love to go on about this, he is not here to criticize pairing choices. The author would now kindly introduce the protagonists of this story.

Now, Hyrule had a capital city. Castle Town, which was creatively named due to the fact that a castle is planted firmly behind the town. I can't imagine why they would name it that. Most citizens of Castle Town are laughably insignificant, to say the least. Most of them are simply dunderheaded NPCs that give hints about the story and such. Well, three citizens, who are conveniently new to the city and conveniently have much knowledge of what is beyond the Fourth Wall to the point where one might expect them to be those inevitable people who were sucked into a video game, happen to live in this town.

However, they were not sucked in. They were sent here by an outside force.

One of these citizens, a young man with brown hair and blue eyes, as well as a slim physique, is the Author Avatar for this story and will serve as protagonist, due to some incident that will be covered in this chapter that makes Link unable to be used.

His companion is also a young man. He is taller than the first one, with brown eyes, a larger build, and short black hair. He is physically stronger than the first man, equally as genre-savvy, but not quite as logical as him, or as mentally-inclined as the female companion.

Strangely enough, there is no love interest in this story, even though there is a female protagonist. She is the shortest of the three by an inch, and she has long red hair and green eyes. She is slim, and to avoid invoking Artistic License - Biology, her bust size is proportionate to her waist size, that is to say, she has A-Cup endowment.

Now, I could go and elaborate on their daily lives, what they did in the hours leading up to this mysterious event, and how the King of Hyrule was currently wondering what was for dinner, but a story requires plot advancement and so we will place ourselves at the beginning of this plot advancement.

It was a little after noon in Castle Town. While monumental things were happening in other lands, nothing was happening here in Hyrule, which led Link to utter one famous line that has become quite the popular saying among users of the Internet.

"Gee, it sure is boring around here," he said as he dragged himself through the city toward the marketplace to purchase groceries for the week. See, after the defeat of Ganondorf, and after searching for Navi, Link had decided to return to Hyrule to actually live. However, while the words "Hero of Time" looked good on a résumé and would probably get you a good job, they make the rest of your life more boring than when you were a professional hero.

Meanwhile, behind the stall that Link was currently buying from stood the first young man. He served as a salesman for the nearby Lon-Lon Ranch's dairy products, where the redhead who is inherently evil among ZeLink fans currently resides.

"Three bottles of milk, please," said Link as he pulled out his wallet to count out the rupees.

The young man nodded, took the bottles from Link, and filled them from a bucket behind him, before capping them and handing them back to Link in exchange for 150 rupees.

"So, Link, anything interesting last night? I heard there was a monster raid out by Lake Hylia," said the milk salesman.

"Nothing I couldn't handle, Troy," said Link, referring to the milk salesman's first name.

Troy found that this answer did not satisfy him, however.

"I mean, what was it?"

Link stored the bottles in his pack.

"Just these weird snake things. They weren't that powerful, but I did get bit by one of them, see?" said Link, pulling up a sleeve to reveal a bite mark.

"Ouch," said Troy.

"Ah, well, I'm sure whatever's in me isn't too bad. I took some red medicine after it happened, so it should turn out fine."

Troy nodded as Link strode over to where Mark and Valerie were selling their wares, which were in no way related to the plot of this story. They also exchanged some pleasantries, but those were not very relevant to anything that was going on that the readers would care about.

Now, even as Valerie was putting her recent earnings in her strongbox, something peculiar started to occur over the course of several seconds, and it happened to several residents of Hyrule. Now, some of these residents had note, such as Link, and a couple of people across the lands, like Saria, Malon the evil redhead, Zelda the pure and flawless princess in the eyes of every ZeLinker, Ruto, Mido, Nabooru, Impa, etc., and other residents didn't have much note, such as the Hyrulean army, the Castle Town guards (a little known fact about these guards is that they all used to be adventurers like Link until they all mysteriously took arrows to the same knee), and the residents of Hyrule, among which were Troy, Mark, and Valerie.

However, due to some convenient reason that is probably not going to make sense to a normal reader, the latter three were unaffected by this event.

All at once, some of the citizens started acting very strangely. For example, of the ones they could see, several guys were now all up in each others' business. And in that several, Link was included. They were all locked in a very tight embrace and they were all making distressed noises.

"I'm so scared!" "Comfort me!" "I just need someone to hold me!" and "Don't rape me!" were the first things that came to our protagonists' ears as they watched with some amusement, but mostly horror.

"What in Din's name?" asked Mark as he stepped out from behind his stall to observe the goings on.

Valerie looked like she couldn't even string a good sentence together to describe her feelings about this issue.

Suddenly, someone glomped Troy from behind.

"Troy, Troy help me! It's THEM! THEY're going to rape me! Don't let them rape me!" screamed a feminine male voice into Troy's left ear.

Troy whirled around in horror to see a certain Hero of Time, who had extricated himself from the pile, holding onto him like his life depended on it.

"Troy, they're coming to rape me!" he screamed.

Troy extricated himself from Link's crushing hold and staggered over to where Mark and Valerie were beckoning to him, within the Castle Town Smithy.

He ran in and they shut the door.

"What's going on?" he asked.

Mark shook his head.

"They've started acting like Uke versions of themselves," he said. "I thought this was only the kind of stuff that happened in bad fanfiction and in stories where the author clearly has no idea of what the characterization of certain people is like."

Valerie pointed out the window suddenly.

"Look!" she whispered frantically.

They both looked toward the outside as three unnamed people dressed in black leather cloaks who probably have no plot significance strode calmly into town. Now, science dictates that black traps heat better than white does, and yet, despite wearing thick black leather cloaks of all things, with the hoods up, which was a blatant ripoff of Organization XIII, they did not even seem remotely affected by the heat, which was in the 90s.

One of them lowered his hood dramatically. The moment his hood passed his ear, his gravity-defying blood-red strands of hair became visible as it assumed its natural style. His eyes were orbs of also blood-red, and they had vertical pupils like a cat (or Lord Voldemort, except this guy has a nose). This individual of such a striking appearance, detailed in overly violet-hued prose writing, would obviously not stand out much in a manga convention, due to the insane numbers of cosplayers, but here in Hyrule, it stood out like a very large needle in a very small haystack.

His companions were also similarly described with Purple Prose. One had very spiky black and silver hair that came very close to defying gravity as well, and he had metallic-silver eyes.

Now the final one, a female, was probably the most anatomically disproportionate of them all. While the two males were slim and they looked believable (apart from the orbs and strands), the female looked unnatural. Black hair with pink streaks (that were naturally occurring, might I add) that changed into silver as they ran down to the small of her back, eyes of a chocolaty-brown color, and the most strange of all: D-Cup breasts at least. On a body that could probably be measured around with a two-foot piece of tape-measure.

"Oh no," moaned Valerie.

"What?" asked both men.

"I hope those aren't what I think they are," she said in abject horror.

Mark caught on after reading some of the above paragraphs.

"It can't be! Purple Prose description, unnatural proportions on the female-" he started.

"Unnaturally occurring hair and eye traits that occur naturally to them-" continued Valerie.

Troy caught on immediately.

"Not to mention probably flawless traits!"

"MARY SUES!" they all shouted in horrified unison.

Even while they said this, the trio of Sues walked through the town, casually passing by the Uke-fied townspeople until they reached Link.

"Heh, even the Hero of Time couldn't hope to repel this strain of the virus. Mistress will be pleased," said the one with unnatural red hair.

"What are we here for?" asked the second one, sounding bored.

"Well, we're here to make sure that there aren't any that managed to escape," said the girl. "My telekinetic powers aren't picking any thoughts up that don't have anything to do with rape, yaoi, and the kind of stuff Uke-fication brings about."

"Well then, since we've done our job, let's get out of here. The season 2 finale of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic is on tonight. I've been dying to watch it ever since the wedding anouncement they gave us last episode."

They looked around surreptitiously (but rather obviously, to say the least) before walking out of the town.

"Well, what do we do?" asked Troy.

"Isn't it obvious?" asked Valerie.

"Yeah, we go after them. I mean, the plot wouldn't get very far if we didn't."

They followed the trio of Sues very covertly, noting how there were three of them, and how they sounded exactly like the corresponding member of their trio, and probably thinking that they would have to fight their Mary Sue double in the distant future.

The trio of Sues soon arrived at a rather conspicuous door, hidden right in the middle of the Lost Woods, in a rather secluded corner.

The Sues opened the door, but before they went through, they stopped.

"Hah, if you think you can sneak around and go unnoticed by a trio of Mary Sues, you are sorely mistaken," said the redhead in his most dramatic voice possible.

"Aye, verily," concurred the girl.

"Damn, they even speak using that unnecessary-large-words format. Who talks like that?" asked Troy.

"Well, allow us to introduce ourselves, mediocre ones. I am Rytex Beryl, and these are my companions, Exsan Titan and Xemyli Replic."

Mark blinked.

"Their names have Xs in them. Yeah, these are blatant ripoffs of Organization XIII."

"And Mary Sues, so it is to be expected," added Valerie.

"In the name of all that is pure, I command thee to silence!" shouted Exsan.

Rytex nodded approvingly at him.

"Yes, our Mistress, the Lord Queen of Fandom-Hyrule would be most displeased if we allowed you to follow us into Fandom-Hyrule. However, as we are Mary Sues, you cannot defeat us, for Lord Queen of Fandom-Hyrule will make us all-powerful and flawless. We shall defeat you without even breaking a sweat."

Rytex held out a hand in the air. In a brilliant flash of light, he held in his hands a blade so sharp and so durable it could have belonged to Cloud Strife.

Not to mention it was made of diamond.

Exsan pulled from hammer-space that overused fan weapon called a Katana. And Xemyli pulled her sleeves back (making her all-natural D-Cups jiggle spectacularly) as a nimbus of white magic surrounded her hands.

Suddenly a powerful voice rang forth.

"My loyal creations, why are you dawdling? Do you not believe I can handle them? Let them pass. They'll never make it past my loyal guardians beyond the door anyway. And that is not to mention the legions of the Gutless beyond."

Troy snorted.

"Lord Queen of Fandom-Hyrule? This girl's ripping everything from Kingdom Hearts fandom! First the Organization XIII cloaks, and now the Gutless, which is clearly a ripoff of _Those Lacking Spines_. What next? Vexen making a cameo and being afraid of cake?"

"Silence! Know your place! You can't hope to defeat me as I am. What happened to your Hyrulean co-residents is something only someone like me can bring about: Uke-fication. I have taken the characterizations of these powerful souls and replaced them with the completely masculinity-free versions of themselves. For females, it was rather easy, as they have no masculinity to begin with. Except Malon, but she's evil, so I let her stay."

"You're a ZeLink fan!" shouted Valerie in abject horror.

"Pfft, everyone knows Link gets Zelda. I mean, come on. They're made for each other," snorted Rytex.

"Anyway, I Uke-fied most of the residents of Hyrule for a reason. In order to control them in my realm, it's a bit of a requirement, you see. But whatever. I've spilled too much already. You'll never stop me. Go ahead, go through the door. And better yet, Rytex, Exsan, Xemyli, go ahead and give them your weapons. It's not like they'll be able to stop me even with them."

Rytex laughed and threw the sword at Troy, who ducked and went to retrieve it from the tree it had sunk in. Exsan simply tossed his katana to Mark. Xemyli, on the other hand, shot a bolt of lightning at Valerie, which impaled her, but did no real damage other than that.

"Through the door, my creations. Come back to my side. Leave these three to their Uke-fied companions."

The Sues threw one last smirk at them and opened the door. There was a brilliant flash of light, and they vanished.

As soon as they were gone, Mark frowned.

"So she Uke-fied the characters so she could bring them to her realm?" asked Mark.

"And she created three Mary Sues to guard her and carry out her orders?" asked Valerie.

"And she blatantly ripped off of all Kingdom Hearts fanfiction and such?"

"And that's not to mention the worst thing yet," said Mark.

"Yeah," agreed Troy."

"She's a ZeLinker," said Valerie.

"That bastard!" they all said at the same time.

They all say down as Troy pulled out some parchment.

"Alright, so since this person has blatantly ripped off of _Those Lacking Spines_ in the army of Gutless, I think we can expect the land of Fandom-Hyrule to look a lot like Fandom Hearts. And this means that we're likely to encounter various aspects of fanfiction as we travel. And considering the scale of the ripoff, it's plausible that she created Seme versions of every character. And since Semes are at their very core stereotypes of every character, we can plan our encounters accordingly. For example, since the stereotype for Malon is evil to ZeLink fans, she would be detrimental to the delusional girl's plans, so she was left alone. However, that's not to say we won't find her inside. She could very well help us out because of that.

"But the only way to save these characters is to destroy their Seme. Once we've done that, they should leave behind some essence of themselves. And since a lot of the characters that were Uke-fied were female, they most likely lack... you know. So they will likely leave something else behind that we have to take back. In any case, we need a Bag of Holding."

Valerie blinked and held up Link's Bag of Holding.

"How convenient. The author must not be trying to extend the pages of this story very much," said Mark.

"Except that he already has taken up eight." said Valerie.

"So, we have a vague plan of action, then?" asked Troy.

The other two nodded.

"Well, then, let's get going. FOR GREAT JUSTICE!" he said as he grabbed the door handle and pulled it open.

There was a blinding flash of light and they vanished from Canon-Hyrule and into the unknown depths of Fandom-Hyrule.

* * *

**Well, how was it? Did I rip off too much?**

**Now, I would like to ask you guys to do me a favor. Leave me a review yes, but please leave a part of the story that flames the trio of Sues. After all, the weakness of a Mary Sue is Flames of Fire, and they will be used later. Much later.  
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**Also, before anyone flames me about ZeLink, I too am a ZeLink fan, but I couldn't help but point out this little observation I found about OoT ZeLinkers. They do exactly the above, no exceptions. I have yet to see a ZeLinker give me good reason why he does not belong with Malon, without it having to do with Z&L being made for each other, or something about him leaving Hyrule not being there,  
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**Also, what Rytex said about the Season 2 finale of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic... well, I would like to say I am a brony stating that line through him. If you want to use any anti-MLP criticism, please put it in Flame form. See above.  
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**Now then, I would also like to say to those who are following me, and are waiting on some of my other stories. Once Upon a Time is being written, but the Block of Writers sucks. Also, I'm rewriting The Royal Ball for anyone who cares.**

**That said, Rytex out.  
**


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